Title: Until there was you.
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Blog Entry: I'm not sure how to begin this, I just want to get it off my chest. Forgive me if I jumble things up or make no sense, just ignore as I jot this down.. I just wanted to say a few things from within.. It's one of those moments when I have vowed to cherish that one person I truly loved. A girl who made me the happiest guy out there, even when she's gone, "it's" still there. Everything perfect that you could possibly imagine, resides in herself. I really loved her.. [br] I don't know where she is now, she could be reading this, laughing with her friends or giving out that sweetest smile I'll never get to see again. Though, there's always a time, just about anything that I see or do that brings me back to where I once was, her heart. I see her as a saint, her heart, so peaceful. Her angelic words captivates me each time when she speaks. She knew exactly the right thing to do to make me feel happy inside. The silly jokes that could make me smile for days whenever I think about it. I really miss her.. [br] Even though today, I'm with someone new, someone who is honest and kind and have shown me all the love and care there is in this cruel world. Someone who brought back the light into my life when all I could see was darkness, she brought back the smile to my face when all I could do was frown, but most important, she brought back the love and trust that I had lost for people and she brought it back twice as much for me to give to her than I had previously given before. I had to tell her about all this because I didin't want to hide anything from her. I was scared that she would leave me for what I would say, as I would rather tell her the truth that draws a tear rather than to lie that draws a smile. She's beautiful in every way and very patient with me, soothing myself with care and telling me that everything will be okay. She even cried in fear, scared that she might loose me, as it breaks my heart to see her cry. But I knew, from the moment I saw those tears streaming down her face, I knew her love for me was pure and true, I knew she would never give up on me and by my side she will always stay. She reminds me of myself on how I was back then, scared to have the feeling that the person that you love most might leave you. In my lifetime, I've never met anyone who is most committed on having myself to be apart of their life, someone who they couldn't live without, someone who have ,ade me their other half of life. Having her around me gives me that "cute" feeling, making my heart feel soft and I feel truly blessed.. [br] As I move on, I still think it's unfair on how everything good that we had in the past, have to come to an end. To love a girl so much, from the depth of every fiber of your own being, but had it taken away by words of hatred and jealousy of others. As it triggers all the confusion, insecurities, misunderstandings and fill your mind with fear mongering thoughts, while you and that person are on the journey where your hearts are so clinged together, so happy and then been brought down and get blamed for things you never did. But there's always one damn thing about loving a person, it's always the feeling that we FEEL that is real is the ONE thing that other person couldn't see. I did everything that I could to stay strong, devoted my time, braving shame and I put my whole heart together, just for her to see.. Though the love was just blind and never enough.. [br] Til today, I still set my mind to wonder on how she is, what she's doing, is she happy? and how life has been treating her. Whatever the outcome of it all, I pray for the best. I don't know why my love life could be so unfair and filled with cruelty and sorrow. I know everyone goes through it at some point in their lives, and having someone else telling me "you're not the only one who's feeling this way" or " It's not the end of the world" is not going to make anything better, as they don't understand how I feel. All I ever did was to love and to be loved in return, It all comes down to nothing and leaving me feeling worthless in the end.. [br] But what if .. She would have listened and took the time to see where my heart really stands. Would it make a difference? To see how much it has suffered and how high it has climbed to the mountain top, for the sake of embracing her heart?. What if.. the silent tear-drops that streamed down as I lay on my one side of bed at night, could let her know that they're falling for her? Would she cry with me then? or will she laugh at me? What if... she could remain as strong as I was for her. Then our love would still be radiant and alive. She would still call me while i'm at work just to check up on me, and knowing from that moment on, "this girl really loves me" Haters whom made me to be hated. You can call it lame or whatever you want for what I have written. At this point I really don't care about what people have to say, as this comes from the very bottom of my heart and soul.. [br] Just a few things before I leave.. To "You", I just want you to know that letting go of you was never easy. It was agonizing. For all the things that we had in the past, all the love that I have embraced to you was always true and I never doubted yours either. I've always promised myself to make you the happiest girl, even that's impossible for any guy to give to a girl, but it's the thought and the committments that you put it that counts. To keep you happy, even by means that I have to let go of you, even if you think that I have let go of you, that's what I, as a lover must do for you, to make you think that way and to give you what you wanted for your happiness, setting you free. It's never easy my dear.. It's like sometimes you won't let go of love, more times love won't let go of you. it's merely an impossible thing to do as that could only occur when we let time do it's own thing. I apologize that I couldn't be that perfect guy, I apologize for everything. Like everyone else, I'm just a guy who makes mistakes, but they were never intended to harm you in any way. I don't hate you for putting me through all this, even though I've dreamt of many dreams of you, but you will always be a great inspiration to me. I thank you for the love you have given me and all the most good that you have done, I'll always miss you and I'll never regret having you in my life. [br] In ewiger Liebe.. <3 [br]
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